Wednesday, February 24, 2010

mom food.


First of all people need to lay off giving me a hard time about updating this blog, ZACH. And PAULA. Whoever the hell you are. (Well dude, I know who Zach is. But PAULA, REALLY NOW.)

I got up at 6 a.m. today, went to work, picked up my kid from my mom's house, ran some errands (I got a bunch of dope junk at the craft store today on clearance WOOOO) and by the time I got home I was dragging ass so hard. This weekend I had to work kind of late one night and by the time I was done I had missed dinner with my family and I got a burrito across the street. No tragedy there, there's no food shortage in my life. I'm a lucky lady! But my husband and son had a nice little spaghetti dinner without me, and ever since that night I've had this POWERFUL CRAVING FOR AN OLD SCHOOL PLATE OF CRAPPY SPAGHETTI AND MEAT SAUCE. It's one of those things that tastes so good no matter what, but it's always going to be a little weird because it reminds you of cafeteria food, kind of.


Anyway, I have been placing all these high maintenance dietary restrictions on myself lately- whole wheat everything to control blood sugar, blah blah blah. GUESS WHAT, I HATE WHOLE WHEAT PASTA. IT IS AN ABOMINATION. Actually okay, let me backpedal a little bit- whole wheat SPIRAL pasta is an abomination, which, up until tonight- was the only kind I'd ever tried. I was so put off by whole wheat spiral pasta (CHALKY! GRITTY! TOO BROWN.) that I actually started experimenting with gluten free pastas to avoid the evilz of refined delicious semolina. Actually I've been meaning to ask the internet- and let me see if I can spit this out in the LEAST CONVOLUTED MANNER POSSIBLE: Is quinoa flour refined the same way wheat flour is? Or is it a "whole grain" flour? None of the packaging I've checked out indicates either way, and obviously if I'm avoiding refined wheat flour, switching to a different kind of refined flour is kind of stupid, right? OH, PRIVILEGED PEOPLE AND THEIR SILLY PROBLEMS, HAHAHAHA. :/ I'd been eating quinoa pasta and it's pretty tasty, but come on.

Anyway my awesome coworker Emily (DOUBLE SHOUT OUT) pointed out to me that whole wheat SPAGHETTI noodles are far less offensive to the sensibilities, so I decided to stop being such a baby and give it a try. GUESS WHAT? It's totally acceptable, and if you dredge it in meat sauce it's almost possible to forget that you're eating ridiculous hippie food.

God, I can't even tell you what a douchebag I feel like even spitting all this crap out. "Boo hoo you guys, I can't eat regular pasta because I have crybaby blood sugar 'issues' and I need special fancy pasta! It's so hard to be American! OMG!" Good lord. I want to slap other people when they talk like this. Anyway, long story short, whole wheat pasta with red sauce and hamburger and that crappy crumbled parmesan made me REALLY HAPPY tonight. And now YOU CAN BE HAPPY TOO because I updated my blog. Zach.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

"alice, update this shit!"


My coworker who reads my blog just commented to give me a hard time about not updating for a long time, and because I loooove her, I am going to go ahead and do it, except- que? Where is all the food, bro? Let me set a scene for you right now. It is about 9:30. My son is finally quiet in his room (knock on wood), my husband is back at work doing some crazy install stuff that would make coffee nerds have a wet dream (paddle groups fed by individual pumps? nerd?) and I am sitting at my dining room table between cups of chamomile. Picture me hovering over the glowing red burner of my stove, melting a square of 72% dark chocolate from Trader Joe's, and sprinkling it with kosher salt before popping it into my mouth. That's as close are you're going to get to a recipe tonight because HOLY BEJEEZUS I HAVE BEEN BUSY.


First of all, you probably know that I do 10 dollar commissioned drawings (CLICK HERE) which I have gone from sneakily attempting to mention to full-on shameless blatant promotion, because let's be honest- I have 702 followers for this blog and like 100 for the other one. And I like paying my bills. And if you didn't know that, you weren't paying very close attention, but hey! Now you are. What's up! And so this is like my "night" job, doing these drawings- because during the day I am mom/barista/babysitter galore, and these things take up a lot of my time. I like doing these things, so it's not a big deal.


Sometimes I feel like just checking this blog off my list of shit to do and giving up on it all together because DUDE I EAT BURRITOS LIKE 3 NIGHTS A WEEK AT THIS POINT. You don't want any more of my stupid burrito recipes. ALSO, I have found a really amazing outlet for my OCD and body issues, and that is counting every single calorie I eat and keeping track on a chalkboard in my kitchen, which I've previously mentioned. If you're not already doing this, I totally recommend it. For one, it totally scratches that organizational itch of mine, considering that I don't have a whole hell of a lot to organize beyond my crappy day job and being a mom. For another thing, this morning I weighed 6 pounds less than I did on my wedding day and that's a pretty goddamn big deal for me. I know that part of the awesome weight loss is that I'm losing a lot of muscle tone from being too lazy to go jogging in the morning (I bought a pillowtop bed when I moved and HOLY SHIT, I WAKE UP IN A PUDDLE OF MELTED FLESH EVERY MORNING. I am completely incapable of bouncing out of my pimp-ass bed the way I did with my crappy one from before.) but really I'm just being SUPER conscious about what I'm eating. I don't even know why, at this point- I'm at a pretty healthy weight, I feel really good about myself because I'm taking care of myself, I think part of it is that it just sort of feels like magic- OMG! I EAT LESS FOOD, I AM SLIGHTLY LESS FAT! IT'S LIKE A MIRACLE OF SCIENCE! All that means I haven't been very creative with my meals, which in turn means that my food blog has become a totally lame pile of garbage. No more cupcakes for you, loyal readers! Seriously, it's funny- because I started this thing with a close friend who bakes all day every day, and I just wanted to take nice, Martha Stewart-y photos of pretty food. But because I am pretty passionate about food, my ideals about what I want to post about have sort of changed over the year and a half or so that I've been doing this. I'm just in a totally different place. I don't give a shit about salted caramel cupcakes or pretty cinnamon rolls or any of it. I just want to take care of myself and my loved ones. I'm totally turning into "that mom" and you know what? Fuck it. My nephew complained to my sister that he doesn't like coming over to eat dinner at my house because I make yucky food, haha! I remember when I was a kid I hated eating at my friend's house because she had hippie parents who cooked nothing but beans and rice. She'd come over to visit us and gorge herself on sweets until she felt like she was going to puke. I'm trying to find a happy medium of indulging myself and my son- yeah, I'm sorry I'm the jerk who feeds him brown rice and makes whole wheat pizza dough with roasted broccoli on top, but I still take him out for ice cream, I still buy popcorn and pretzels at the grocery store.


Today I spent some time expanding my small garden plot in the backyard. I planted these overwinter shallots and garlic bulbs in October and I have completely ignored them so I have no idea if they're going to be worth eating or not, but that was mostly a whim and now I've begun to officially plan my garden. My fireplace mantle has become a dumping ground for seed packets. We have planter boxes waiting for fill dirt, I want my yard to be overflowing with FOOD, PLEASE. We found out our neighbors are cool with (even excited about!) the idea of us having chickens, so that's on the plan for spring 2011. My husband just got back from a work trip to Costa Rica where he stayed on a bunch of coffee farms and met a bunch of awesome people. He was telling me about how fresh all the food he ate was, and watching him be so pumped about it was awesome. He was like, "It's amazing, everyone has chickens and a cow in their backyard- if they need eggs, they just go grab some from outside." He brought me some honey and bee pollen from a small farm he visited, and they smell AMAZING.

Anyway. Here's your update, Emily. Sorry it's so convoluted and ranty, but I have a feeling you're probably used to that by now.

P.s. while I'm rambling about totally random crap, you should all go listen to this song because it's stuck in my head about 90% of the time.